....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize