Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
