Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
