Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
