watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
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I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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