you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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