I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
