Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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