she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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