there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
