do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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