i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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