you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
