My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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