so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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