is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
