Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize