there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ketchup is God's man juice
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
