why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
