It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
we should paint friendship bongs
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