so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
