I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
