This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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