He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
