Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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