New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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