Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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