If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
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All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.