Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I licked your asshole in confidence.