i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad