pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
