As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
