Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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