I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
