is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
