Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
