I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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