I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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