You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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