this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
