so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
