some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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