I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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