ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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