i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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