I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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