office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
