No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
