im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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