Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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