no, he came in my armpit
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
