Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
