it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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