i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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