He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
