So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
