it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
