Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
