Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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