Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
