dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
