fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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