I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
