I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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